Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Worst Country And Western Song Titles - And the Losers Arent..


20 ‘You’re Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without’ (Gene Watson)

19 ‘Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I’ll Think You’re Walking In’ (Bill Anderson)

18 ‘How Can a Whiskey Six Years Old Whip a Man That’s Thirty-Two?’ (Norma Jean)

17 ‘My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him’ (Phil Earhart)

16 ‘One Day When You Swing That Skillet, My Face Ain’t Gonna Be There’ (Richard Hardwick)

15 ‘How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?’ (Dan Hicks)

14 ‘She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw’ (Rick Stanley and Lookout Mountain)

13 ‘Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed’ (Kinky Friedman)

12 ‘You’re the Hangnail in My Life, and I Can’t Bite You Off’ (Hoyt Axton)

11 ‘I’ve Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Back in Bed While I Cry Over You’ (Homer & Jethro)

10 ‘You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly’ (Loretta Lynn)

9 ‘Her Eyes Say Yes But the Restraining Order Says No’ (Hit the Lights)

8 ‘I’m at Home Getting Hammered (While She’s Out Getting Nailed)’ (Banjo & Sullivan)

7 ‘Get off the table, Mabel, the Two Dollars is for the Beer’ (Bull Moose Jackson)

6 ‘Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You’ (Austin Lounge Lizards)

5 ‘I Went to Bed at Two with a Ten and Woke Up at Ten with a Two’ (Willie Nelson)

4 ‘I’m Messed Up in Mexico, Livin’ on Refried Dreams’ (Tim McGraw)

3 ‘The Last Word in Lonesome is Me’ (Roger Miller)

2 ‘If My Nose Was Running Money, I’d Blow It All On You’ (Mike Snider)

And the Numero Uno, the one and only.............

1 ‘I’ve Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart’ (Johnny Cash).

To think most of these songs have done their time in the Top 10/100 lists, and have been chartrunners is a brilliant commentary on our times. Well, to each his own. Atleast these are worth some laughs. Adios, and here's a thought. This one didn't quite make the list..

Do You Wanna Touch Me?(Oh Yeah) by Gary Glitter

With lyrics that go..‘Do you wanna touch me there? Where? There! Yeah! Oh!’.

And they said my jokes were bad.

The WORST Country and Western Song Titles - The Runners Up

Being corny, and just plain stupid is waaay underrated in my opinion.

As the following excerpt from a kickass book by Colin Bowles, called "The 100 Worst Songs of All Time" proves. You thought you'd seen it all? Not yet Sonny, not just yet..


40 - ‘I Hate Every Bone in Your Body Except Mine’ (Jimmy Velvit)

39 -‘I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better’ (The Cordwood Draggers)

38 -‘I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me’ (
Reverend Bill C. Wirtz)

37 -‘She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger’ (The Ridge Riders)

36 -‘There Ain’t Enough Whiskey in Tennessee to Drink the Ugly Offa You’ (Yankee Jack)

35 -‘I Been Roped and Thrown by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral’ (Bobby Bare)

34 -‘I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling’ (Thom Sharp)

33 ‘Swing Wide Your Gate of Love’ (Hank Thompson)

32 ‘I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!’ (Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs)

31 -‘Did I Shave My Legs for This?’ (Deana Carter)

30 -‘Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears’ (Ruby Wright)

29 -‘My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus’ (Jimmy Buffett)

28 -‘You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too’ (The Statler Brothers)

27 -‘You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat’ (John Denver)

26 -‘If You’re Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right’ (Vern Gosdin)

25 -‘Welcome to Dumpsville, Population You’ (Ace Troubleshooter)

24 -‘Hog Sloppin’ Time in the Hollow’ Chuck Mayfield

23 ‘If I Had Shot the Bitch When I Met Her, I’d Be Out By Now’ (Jimmy Velvit)

22 -‘If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I’d Do It All Over You’ (Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks)

21 -‘It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long’ (Cherry Bombs)