Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Art of over rated movie watching : Part 2

Case in Point: The last Oscar Winning King of Scotland

Wonderful. Spine-chilling. Powerful. Brilliant.

A myriad of such brilliant adjectives attached to Forest Whitaker's admittedly good performance as Idi Amin cant lift this absolutely tortuous bore-fest from the dumps. If Marlon Brando played Don Vito in a Paris Hilton movie, would you sit through it?

Add to the mix an amazingly wooden Scottish doctor, who displays exactly 2 emotions throughout the film, and makes Rupert Grint (Ron from the Potter movies) look like an amazingly versatile actor. Did I hear you say "Blaaady 'Ell 'Aaaary!!!!"?

A distinct sense of Deja Vu struck me from the first frame in this film, and it's because after Hotel Rwanda, Black Hawk Down, City of God etc..there's only so much different about viewing a story set in Africa. (Atleast when they hump LA over and over again, they use different disasters - earthquakes, overgrown lizards, Meteors, Ben Affleck etc.)

Taking nothing away from Blood Diamond, which was absolutely fantastic. Coming back to LKOS, said Scottish doctor goes to Uganda in a bus, and indulges in exchange of bodily fluids with a native, who turns out to be Idi Amin's wife, and so we know that basically , he is f**ked (no pun intended).

He travels into the heart of Uganda, and witnesses Whitaker deliver a supremely uplifting speech - where he says "UGGAAANDAA MUMBBBAAYEEE!!!" over and over, and sends the natives into a ecstatic frenzy. Whitaker is impressed by the Scottish doctor's lack of acting abilities, and offers to induct him into his inner circle of failed actors. AND HE DOES.

And then, you get the sudden impression that you are watching a NGC documentary, only this one doesnt seem to be ending, and you cant change the channel. This, as the reviews indicate, is a supremely powerful and poignant style of filmmaking, which my puny mind is unable to grasp. Anyway, Forest Whitaker does some unspeakably atrocious acts, and Scotty Boy decides that he's had enough , and tries to run out of the movie studio - he runs, and doesnt get caught, then he runs again, and gets caught, but a native doctor sacrifices himself to save Scotty, and so he runs again, and the movie ends. Just before the credits, you can see the slightest hint of relief flash across the Scot's face. "Blaaady 'Elll 'Mate , this movie is over already". Well atleast we all know why Scotty Boy was relieved at the end.

If you watch the movie, and like it - that's great. For me personally, this has to be the one film I took the most sittings to complete watching. I used to watch it in 10 minute installments. No kidding. UGGAAANDAA MUMBBBAAYEEE!!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Art of watching over-rated movies....Part 1

First Post...Hello Everyone.

A rant may not exactly seem like the best way to start off a blog, but what the heck...

Case in point:
I am F**king Legend (yeah right!)

After subjecting myself to this convoluted mixture of "The last man on earth meets the Omega man 28 days and leaves 28 (minutes)weeks later", I had lost 1 hr 40 minutes of my life which I would never get back, and time on the weekend which I had utterly wasted.

IMDB gives this an unbelievable 7.6, which makes me wonder what exactly there is to like about this cliched zombie fest that never was. Lets see

1>Incredibly f**king deadly virus - Check
2>Self sacrificing protagonist who saves the world - Check
3>Horribly animated zombies - Check
4>Unbelievably stupid plot device to explain spread of virus and Will's Immunity - Check
5>Ultra modern, fully functional equipment - Check

Will Smith walks around NYC for what seems like forever, with his dog(who is the best character in the movie, by the way, and goes deer hunting. And we are supposed to care about his predicament, because he plays golf on fighter jets, and talks to mannequins at the local video store.

Because the director had nothing else left to show, after an endless string of beautiful panoramic shots of deserted New York, the zombies appear. These are KV infected DirectX 3 models, by the way, and therefore are EXTREMELY SCARY. They huff and puff suggestively, and basically go around pointlessly, like the other characters in the movie.

All this while, Will Smith goes around playing god and conducting incredibly smart science experiments, and is immune to the humanity destroying virus,because he is Will Smith. And then he shoots a mannequin he calls Fred, because this is an excellent example of character development. Fred does his part well and falls over, and on cue, Zombie Man 5000 lets out his pups. They maul Will's Dog, and thus the only character we care about in the movie dies.

And then an obligatory cute female and the quittessential helpless boy wander into Will's life, and he finds a reason to fight again, because it's already an hour and 20 minutes into the movie, and its about F**king time he did something. Zombies storm his house, which makes you wonder, of all the possible shelters he could select....he chooses a worn down house, instead of a bad-ass military enclosure. Surprisingly, he fails to defend, and manages to handover the cure to the aforementioned cute female, who then pouts 2 of her 5 lines in the movie.

Will Smith goes Rambo with a grenade instead of just lobbing it, because he is just too damn tired to care. All the zombies die, and Will saves the world yet again.

Don't take my word for it, go and watch this "legendary" 28 Days Later(in New York this time), minus the atmosphere and plus some really cheesy special effects. 7.6? Go Figure. I am too disillusioned to be a legend.