Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Art of watching over-rated movies....Part 1

First Post...Hello Everyone.

A rant may not exactly seem like the best way to start off a blog, but what the heck...

Case in point:
I am F**king Legend (yeah right!)

After subjecting myself to this convoluted mixture of "The last man on earth meets the Omega man 28 days and leaves 28 (minutes)weeks later", I had lost 1 hr 40 minutes of my life which I would never get back, and time on the weekend which I had utterly wasted.

IMDB gives this an unbelievable 7.6, which makes me wonder what exactly there is to like about this cliched zombie fest that never was. Lets see

1>Incredibly f**king deadly virus - Check
2>Self sacrificing protagonist who saves the world - Check
3>Horribly animated zombies - Check
4>Unbelievably stupid plot device to explain spread of virus and Will's Immunity - Check
5>Ultra modern, fully functional equipment - Check

Will Smith walks around NYC for what seems like forever, with his dog(who is the best character in the movie, by the way, and goes deer hunting. And we are supposed to care about his predicament, because he plays golf on fighter jets, and talks to mannequins at the local video store.

Because the director had nothing else left to show, after an endless string of beautiful panoramic shots of deserted New York, the zombies appear. These are KV infected DirectX 3 models, by the way, and therefore are EXTREMELY SCARY. They huff and puff suggestively, and basically go around pointlessly, like the other characters in the movie.

All this while, Will Smith goes around playing god and conducting incredibly smart science experiments, and is immune to the humanity destroying virus,because he is Will Smith. And then he shoots a mannequin he calls Fred, because this is an excellent example of character development. Fred does his part well and falls over, and on cue, Zombie Man 5000 lets out his pups. They maul Will's Dog, and thus the only character we care about in the movie dies.

And then an obligatory cute female and the quittessential helpless boy wander into Will's life, and he finds a reason to fight again, because it's already an hour and 20 minutes into the movie, and its about F**king time he did something. Zombies storm his house, which makes you wonder, of all the possible shelters he could select....he chooses a worn down house, instead of a bad-ass military enclosure. Surprisingly, he fails to defend, and manages to handover the cure to the aforementioned cute female, who then pouts 2 of her 5 lines in the movie.

Will Smith goes Rambo with a grenade instead of just lobbing it, because he is just too damn tired to care. All the zombies die, and Will saves the world yet again.

Don't take my word for it, go and watch this "legendary" 28 Days Later(in New York this time), minus the atmosphere and plus some really cheesy special effects. 7.6? Go Figure. I am too disillusioned to be a legend.