Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ridiculously Easy Ways to enjoy Engineering

1. Get into a court case, and delay your admission by a year or two. This way, when you really get in, you'll be having fantasies about how much you like the college.

2. Call a professor (preferably an HOD) out on his bullshit, following which he will make it his mission in life to tear you a new one in the time you are in college. But hey, nothing worth getting is ever worth getting easily, right? *Wink Wink*

3. Jog through a semester being utterly clueless, and laugh while your classmates scurry around like crazed rodents to complete assignments and submit journals. This will substantially increase your enjoyment of the sem. (Atleast the better part of it)

4. Celebrate festivals with unbridled enthusiasm, and make it your mission in life to bring the spirit of each festival to class. Literally. Feel free to use sprinklers in class, and colour the walls. Because hey, Holi hai yaar!!!

5. As part of aforementioned enthusiasm, choose to involve your teaching staff in the festivities. Introduce a choice professor or two(again, preferably your HOD) to the business end of a water balloon.

6. You have CHOSEN to recieve technical education, and as such, on account of this choice, you should not have to attend any practicals/lectures you don't want to. Make up genius excuses such as "I wasn't feeling well" to justify why you did not attend the SAME PRACTICAL 6 weeks IN A ROW.

7. Attendance should never be a problem. "Commitment to the course" easily makes up for whatever attendance you might be missing. Let your professors know in the EXACT aforementioned words, why you chose to stay at home and spank your own chicken. And if they don't understand, well, who cares? They probably have a midlife crisis, or are PMSing.

8. Start writing your assignments/journals when the other students are in line for submitting the same. This suitably demonstrates how far detached from the rat race you are. This acts as a major chick magnet. (High five)

9. Strangely enough, playing your favourite game on the eve of the exam, makes it go by without a hitch..even if you didn't actually study for it. You might have to give an extra exam next sem though. Or 5.

10. Act like a studious bitch all summer long. That way, when you rock the f**k out in a college social, nobody will see you coming. Major points on the "multifaceted personality" meter.

11. "Technical Education" is one of the biggest myths perpetrated by the Education Board. The only thing you are technically going to be educated in, is your gradual transformation into a zombie. But hey, zombies are cool!! Didn't you watch Dawn of the Dead?

12. Plus, in hindsight, if you go in knowing that you aren't really going to learn anything from the course, then you can make sooo more time for World Of Warcraft raiding parties, and making love to your hand! You'll be so in the know with this unbelievable revelation, that I actually feel jealous of you reading this now.

13. Make out in the toilet right next to the teacher's room. Money can't buy you everything...and certainly not the look on the Prof's face when he finds out.

14. Do not keep any more than 3/- to 5/- change handy on your person at anytime. This will buy you a lot of free food.

15. Be a ladies man, and flirt away all you want. But always remember, the "Medulla Oblongota" is not located below your waist. And guess what, some chicks already know!! Who would've thought!! But seriously. Don't be an idiot.

Stick to the above, and stay tuned for more words of wisdom. You'll thank me later, and owe me 15% of your life savings. No sweat.