Saturday, February 9, 2008

Epiphany and GUNDA - An ode to all things Mithun

“There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who have seen “Gunda”. And those who shall see it.” ——Kanti Shah

"Aye Kafanchor Neta, mere naam ki qawwali gana chod...kaam ki baat kar, jis kaam ke liye tu Billi ka doodh peeke dilli se aaya hai."

An instant classic, Gunda is the personification about all things that are glorious about Bollywood.

Unforgettable Villians:-

Lambu Aata - "Bulla, teri behen ka main karunga khullam khulla"
This guy has got to be the most menacing villain EVER in the history of cinema. Those eyes are the stuff of nightmares. Be afraid, be very afraid, warna "Mera naam hai Lambu Aata, sale ko doonga maut ka Chaanta"

Bulla aka Bulla Bhai aka "Mera naam hai Bulla, rakhta hoon khulla".

Nuff' Said. 'Bulli, kahan hai teri ungli'?

Shakti Kapoor aka Chutiya (no jokes, that is his name in the movie)

An inspired performance by Shakti Kapoor, alas one which he would never repeat in his "Lolita" career.

Howard Shore be damned, Anand Raaj Anand gives a musical score that haunts, and even manages to thrill in the "Liptam Lipti Chipkam Chipki" moments.

The story begins with the Kafanchor Neta and Lambu Aata
meeting in a generic airport setting. This airport incidentally also employs coolies, and even has God(Mithun) on its payroll. Kafanchor Neta seems to be having some problems with Bulla, and Lambu Aata duly resolves to solve them in the bloodiest manner possible. "Are tune Bulla ka naam sunakar mera (baal) khada kar diya hai".

Lambu Aata stabs one of Bulla's henchmen, who bleeds sc
hezwan sauce and runs through a volcano and an airport before reaching Bulla's lair. "Bulla, Lambu Aata ne mujhe chaaku maar diya!!"(Really? I couldn't tell. Thanks anyway) Bulla ends his misery, and we are introduced to the meanest gang ever assembled this side of a Tarantino film.

Mohan Joshi aka Pote : "Jo apne baap ke bhi nahin hote"

Ibu Hatela: "Maa meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ke chela - khayega kela?(suggestive gesture towards his (ahem!) kela"

Lambu Aata freaks out, and he really totally fondles Bulla's
sister, (Chatri hoti hai kholne ke liye, chadar hoti hai odhne ke liye, aur chokri hoti hai chedne ke liye). Bulla ki behen isnt used to getting the love from super-cool gangstas, and freaks out and dies.

Get your tissues out people, Bulla delivers the most heartfelt dialogue ever heard this side of the Milky Way. "Munni meri behen munni, munni meri behen munni!! Toh tu mar gayi? Lambu ne tujhe lamba kar diya? Maachis ki teeli ko, khamba kar diya? Are mere dil mein kya kya Armaan the tere liye. Maine toh tere liye like 300 chokre dekhe the(woh bhi ekdam chikne!). Lekin tu toh katela gurd
a, yane ke murda ban gayi?". Profound man, profound. Respect.

Bulla kills Lambu in a particularly gory sequence, which involves dialogues like -
"Tune mujhe nakhun ka mail (dirt) kaha tha na? Ab hum tujhe saande ka tel laga laga ke maarenge".
"Tereko AIDS se bachane ke liye nirodh ban jaunga. Towel banke teri kamar se lipat jaunga. Mujhe chakka bana de, main saari lapetkar dance karunga - GORE GORE G

In due time, Bulla and his gang of cronies run into God, and the unjust shall duly face his wrath. On the seventh day, God said "Main garibon ke liye jyoti, paapiyon ke liye Jwaala, Naam hai mera Shankar."

Prabhuji has a particularly sensuous love interest in the film, and conveys it with haunting melodies like "Nasha nasha karta hai, is nashe mein dum nahin".

(Begone, you temptress with the garish dress and the come-hither.)

(Jhangoman- He's so tough, so strong, so tough, so strong.)

Prabhuji slays all of the villians in a particularly gruesome manner, so if you cant handle poetic dialogue and "Hasina ka Pasina", stay away from this one. But not before we meet a truly unforgettable revolutionary, namely Lucky Chikna.

Lucky Chikna and the Latakta Hua Circus (See it to believe it!)

Lucky Chikna and his futuristic "house of recreation".

Which brings us all to the grand finale, an explosive sequence which will leave you breathless. 100 men, AK-47s, couple dozen cars and rickshaws (which started moving towards the venue for the climax about 3 hours before the movie started, and almost get there by the end of the film.) VS Prabhu with a Rocket Launcher/Gun/Sniper/Ass-Kicker = MASSACRE. Prabhuji whips their belly bottom clad- somersaulting heinies from the Long Long Ago, to Kingdom come. He duly disposes of Bulla, and the filth that walks the earth is laid to rest, until Kanti Shah says so.

Parting shots? Yeah - GO WATCH THIS, if your life is worth anything to you.

As Prabhu would say "
Do. Chaar. Che. Aath. Dus. BUS!". Prabhuji ki jai ho!


Wake Me Up....... said...

bravo rohit! (claps)
u ve written da most apt testimony 1 cn produce 4 dis epic movie n da almighty MITHUN...(thou shalt bow b4 thee!) already forwarding da link 2 my other frnds...dng my best 2 spread da work of our PRABHUJI
looking frwd 4 some more caricatures(ohh sorry....slip of da finger....i mean ' COMMEMORATION OF EPIC MOVIES ')